Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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