i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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