yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
