Where did you get a picture of my penis
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
