Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
