the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
