He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
