My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
