sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why do cheetos always look like penises
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
