if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
