not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
pop tarts are not kleenex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
