We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
