Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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