Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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