Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
