PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
