i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
