the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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