And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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