Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
