It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
