Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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