Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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