And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
