I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
