It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
