weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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