yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
