Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
