If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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