MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
