i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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