thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
