well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
