I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
