Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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