I look better un-naked...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
