i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
