and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
