I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
