I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
