I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
