Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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