I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
