We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
