He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
