she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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