that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
