Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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