I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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