I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
