I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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